Holidayz... =D

Gosh.. As usual, my blog have to be revived after long time inactive.. I am pretty sure the last i post was before DnD and now I am blogging after my foundation.. LOLZ.. xD
Since my last post till now, many things have happened.. DnD was awesome, glad of my performance v my bestfren.. Then, as usual quiz and had events such as Mega Cultural Nite and Music Of Hope which was 3 days before my finals..Hehe.. The last 3 weeks in AIMST, I spent almost every night outside the study area studying..Unbelievable right?? I myself could not believe that.. Plus, my Facebook was inactive as I told myself to not on my laptop.. But, it was all cool as I manage to do my finals quite well.. At the end of it, I just feel super incredible because I finished my Foundation..
My foundation life in AIMST was simply AWESOME and filled with lots of fun.. Its just a wonderful experience and I have to admit that uni life is definitely more fun than expected.. Well, I just completed my foundation and I already love it, I can't imagine my degree life then.. Throughout my foundation, I met many awesome people from every part of Malaysia.. We all unite as a family and share laughters and sorrows together.. The most highlighted people who I met in my foundation is of course my Babes 1.0 and 2.0.. They have been with me through my every thick and thin since in uni.. I am very grateful to have the chance to meet them and never wanna lose them in my life..
Of course, there are many unexpected and unhappy moments in AIMST but that's what made me stronger than before.. But through all these sad moments, 1 person can make me SMILE just by the sight of him.. He is Stripes.. Hehe.. He may not know about me but I don't care because he can put a smile on my face.. Whenever he chats with me, I feel like on Cloud 9.. I dream about him before, I don;t deny it and when I wake up from the dream, it makes my day more beautiful.. =) I know I sound crazy or maybe immature,but I can't stop feeling happy and nervous when I am around him..
For now, I am going to enjoy my holidays back home in the most AWESOME Klang for 5 months.. =)

My Singletine!! =)

Today is Valentine's Day.. Happy Valentine's Day to all the lovey dovey couples out there..
Well, as usual, its my SINGLETINE!!!!!!! Woohoo...
Don't think I'm trying to comfort myself by saying like that..
I am actually really glad to be single.. And today made me realized that I am really grateful to be single..
Because I know what I want in my life and I do not want to hurry things such as getting into a relationship..
Of course, I do fantasize about being in a relationship and the wonderful feeling everyone talks about, but this fantasy is dangerous as it could make me make wrong decision in my life and it also distracts me from my real goals in life. 


Well, this whole week is my quiz week and I am freaking blur about my studies. Hopefully I'll focus back and not let my mind wander around. But it's hard because I am so distracted by the upcoming activities in AIMST. Most distracting factor is DnD(Dinner & Dance) because I am taking part in the dance competition. Lol.. Unexpected and not planned at all.. So spontaneous. I am a freak of dancing and so YEAH! I am super duper excited.. But of course I know I cannot compare with other people because there are so so many great dancers out there and I am insignificant..
I watched the performances in AIMST website and its freakingly outstanding. Really jaw-dropping performances. The standard is really high and the people here are super talented. Can't wait for Mega Cultural Nite 3 to watch with my own eyes the superb performances. 


OMG, I am so deviated from my title.. Hahaha.. Well, just a super brief updating about the recent activities in my life. Lol.. Ok the reason I said SINGLETINE was because I admit that there are a lot of guys recently who out of the blue start connecting to me which makes me feel very insecure. I feel very vulnerable and scared as I don't know whether the guys are acting nice to get closer to me or they are genuinely nice. Being single makes me feel more secure with myself compared to thinking of being with somebody. My friends also have different opinions about the people I am mixing or texting with.. Its all so complicated..


I wish that my future boyfriend would be my lifetime partner.. Not just a common phrase everyone use but I really want that to happen or not better not be in any relationship at all. I cannot accept the fact that IF the relationship doesn't work out, the heartbreak feeling will be terrible. I need someone who can make me feel secure physically and emotionally.. Anyways, I have set my mind that, when the time is right and if the opportunity is promising, then I shall make my move based on my faith that has been written for me..

Till then, I will enjoy my single life to the max! =D

EGO destroys Life...

Goshhh I am damn freaking pist off...
I think i can break everything around me right this instant..
I hate this word "EGO"

Because of EGO a lot of thing can get worse..
How could someone who is given so many chances do not appreciate it and had the guts to scold people who did not appreciate chance when given..
Look at the mirror before talking so big..
I dislike people who are so judgemental.. Nobody is PERFECT in this world so nobody should judge other people.. Moreover, if you never even got the chance to know the person yet.. Don't bullshit around telling stuffs that you created with your mouth..
I know that I am not Perfect nor nowhere near perfection.. But at least i tried to make things up eventhough i am not on the wrong track..
Somemore showing so much EGO at my face when you are on the wrong track..

You were the one who told me your ideas of making up things back to normal and pin pointed my flaws, now i have changed my way to please you, and you are not following to it when you only told so.. Then what the hell am i suppose to know what to do..
You say you think maturedly unlike other people but your actions speak otherwise..

Well I believe in KARMA..
And it will definitely get you back for what you've done..
Not cursing but that's just how KARMA works..
Watch it..!


-freaking out of mood right now-

I did my part... Let God to the rest...

Went to town as usual today with Babe 1.0 and Babe 2.0 as usual in Penang..
Always feel so alone and quiet when Babe 2.0 not around..
Whenever she is here, her bubbly and joyful energy surrounds the atmosphere..
Make me feel loved and happy..

Anyways, went to town to Village Mall then went to Bites Cafe to have dinner and then Foo Hau and Wan Jin joined me n Patrick..
Bites Cafe the food not as good as it used to be anymore..
At Bites Cafe, I texted Dpka asking her to eat dinner..
She's been skipping meals recently, then after i texted, no reply..
So whatever.. Then after church i went Tesco to buy KFC for her which was memang my plan..
Came back AIMST, went and put at her place, took my lappie and went outside study area to online while wait for Patrick to come back.. He went supper with Uncle Alfred and family..
Then, went down saw Durga, Ruban and friends, so lepak with them..
Then Ruban lepak with me until Patrick came back..
I texted Dpka telling her that i bought the KFC for her.. AND AGAIN NO REPLY!!!
Ishhh... So so geram..
But I was like WHATEVER la....
Then I told Patrick and he said "It's OK la.. You did your part edy"
Then i was thinking, its not my fault for why we are not talking but I am the 1 doing all this whereas she just act like its nothing.. *Bad words only gonna fly out my mouth*

If this is what a Best Friend is called then i rather be alone in this world without having any Best Friend.. But THANK GOD I have my BABES with me..
LIKE SERIOUSLY!!! If not I think I already gone crazy living like this..
Then while in church, Dad miss called me like 7 times!! O.O
Then, he called again and I answered and talked to him for almost 15 minutes..
Damnnn Lots have happened since I came back to AIMST..
I am so so so frustrated and worried and about to explode my brain..
AHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!

That aside, when Patrick came back, we lepak outside study area and then watched Saw!
OMG its so so so scary and creepy.. so so so so Bloody..

Somemore we watched at 1am.. Imagine 2x scary..
Watched half way, had to go back edy, so I came up hostel and continue watching..
Scary hell.. But its a damn damn nice movie..
But Im still so scared and dont dare to sleep..
Thats why I decided to blog.. LOLZ..
Feel relieved a little bit after expressing out here..

I MISS MY BABES A LOT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

A Pencil..

LIFE can be associated with one of the simple tool for writing, A Pencil..

A pencil maker told the pencil 5 principles to be the best pencil ever, before letting the pencil out of the factory..

The 5 principles are:

- You need to be held to be useful..
- You can erase your own mistakes..
- Through times, you will have to go through sharpening from time to time, but this is to make you a better pencil..
- Even when you are broken into pieces, remember that the most important part of you is what lies inside of you and not whats on the outside..
- Make sure you leave a mark on wherever you 'step'..

Now, Replace yourself as the Pencil..
- Let God to hold you and guide you to be useful..
- You have the ability to make things right..
- Obstacles in life are there to make you a stronger person..
- Remember what you are inside that counts, not what's on the outside..
- Let people remember you for your deed not your bad..

See how simple life can be associated with.. =)
Its a good motivation..

STRESSSSS!

Nowadays I feel so stressed out with myself.. Im so freaking left out in my studies, I dun have mood to eat or do anything.. I don't know its my hormones or just my mind.. AHHH...!
I'm going crazy living in this situation.. Somehow along the stressful time, I met a new person who is now my friend.. Getting to know this new friend is really nice but then things started to change when the situation starts to become complicated.. My best friend do not agree with me being friends with this new friend of mine.. But I still stick to my intuition that this is a good person and will not harm me how so ever.. Because of my decision, I have to face a small price for it.. My best friend told some things to me which was true but also hurtful and quite sensitive.. Now I'm just so confused and super super STRESS with whatever that is going on.. My another best friend also is starting to get on my nerves.. I just hate it when I ask a person a simple question and the person replies you in a rude manner.. Just feel like slapping the person..
Thank God that beneath all this complications that I'm facing, God has given me a good and caring Babe which is always there to listen my sighs since I cannot express it fully to my best friends.. I truly appreciate the wonderful gift that is the friendship with my Babe..
I really feel like going to an open space at the top of a mountain and scream my lungs out to relieve my disappointments and unhappiness..
Luckily after I attended church yesterday evening, I felt much much better.. Such a coincidence that the message yesterday was about life..

Im sick of it..!

I am so freaking bored n sick with people around me using me for their own benefits.. They waste my time, energy and my effort of helping them and in the end just forget about all that and enjoy their life once they are done using me..You people think I am some kind of toy is it which you buy from the shop, use and then just throw it away ?! I too have feelings same as you people..!
When you need my help, I try my level best to help you.. I don't expect you to say thank you or buy me gifts or whatever.. But I never thought you would actually make me feel like a fool.. Think of me as a tool..
The worst is when you people, once you have a new partner in your life, you abandon your friends and they are the ones who gave you support emotionally and mentally.. All you did was use them..
You people don't deserve to live happily.. You may think you are happy using people to achieve what you want but somehow along they way you will feel worst compared to what you made other people felt.. I'm not cursing you people but you will never know when you need help from all the friends who you used for your freaking benefits..!
The trust which I had in you which built up over the years just crushed within few seconds.. I can no longer trust anyone.. You show me the reason why i should not trust in the first place.. U gave me your word that no matter whoever we meet in our lives, our friendship still remains strong but your actions proved otherwise.. Since the new character in your life is more special to you compared to your friend of few years, then its up to you..

Im so FREAKING SICK of facing all this already.. Its up to you people what you wanna do.. Im tired mentally and emotionally already facing all this for so many years.. Blinded by so much of lies till I don't know whether our friendship is true anymore..
Live your life however you want it..
But I can never look at you the same way as before..

~Im sick of life~

Its back to normal.. =)

Yeah! Its all back to normal.. At last my small effort made a huge difference..
Now I see the smile and laughter on your face and its so nice to see..
Keep it that way.. =)


-happy again-

Hurts badly deep inside..

The day started alright till i saw that post on your wall.. Do you know how much it hurts? Just that post of yours is enough to make my heart feel so hurt.. Tell me your definition of a best friend and I will try my best to be that.. If you don't want me in your life as a best friend, let me know.. When your sad, I wish I could be your crying shoulder but you choose to not tell me whats wrong.. Seeing you sad makes me even more hurt.. I feel so useless and helpless seeing you sad and could not understand what is going on in your head..Yes, I may not be your perfect friend but i try to be enough to be by your side.. But i guess its still not enough.. You feel that being alone is good for you.. But what about me? I need someone to talk to and be by my side.. You've been that for me but now you just moving further from me.. I am left confused with your actions and began to question myself.. You said its not my fault, but its you.. How could it be your fault and then you suddenly move away from me?

This feeling hurts as I am far away from home and you were like my own sister all along our friendship and now you leave me feeling that I am no longer wanted or needed by your side.. I don't and cannot blame you as you are always there for me.. Forgive me if I have not been always by your side.. I know you probably would not read this but I am really SORRY if i have made you sad..

No matter what your decisions are, you will always remain in my heart as my dearest sister and the only friend who I love and care a lot..

~

Bloggin after a long long loooooonnnngggg time...

Well yea its been a very very very very LONG time since i blogged..
Approx more than a year..Lolz..Forgive me..
Lets update..Im currently studying in AIMST University in Semeling, Kedah..
Far yeah i know..! I entered in May and now is almost 5 months being here..
The best part is I came here with my best friend of 2 years plus. 1 of the thing that made us to choose AIMST is because its so so GREEN! Haha.. Yeah we are a great fan of green colour and well AIMST is located at the foothill of Gunung Jerai so it is surrounded by greenery everywhere..
Coming to AIMST together with my best friend was expected to be more fun and yeap it is..However, things began to become sour starting from the first week we were here.. We always misunderstand each other and tend to quarrel and argue most of the time..Though we reconcile but still there is always a small factor which will again make us fight again..It hurts so much everytime we fight and the worst is the feeling of guilt and when all types of questions start to wander in my mind..I dont know whether its my fault or what and its like Im nt being a good friend to understand my best friend..Aren't best friends suppose to understand each other? Is it my fault to blame my best friend sometimes? Would it be different if we weren't in the same place from the beginning?
I wish I could go back in time again and restart everything from the beginning but don't everyone wish the same in their life? Whats done is done right? I feel so confused on what i should do..My best friend said that i tend to not tell the problems when it happens and drag it for a long time..I agree because everytime a problem occurs,I want to be left alone and this becomes a habit but i tried my level best to change and when i tried to confront my best friend, it becomes worse, as both of us feels hurt.. I have no idea what i should do anymore..
Im so tired of this and my heart is becoming weak to face all this some more..This problem revolving us just distract me away from my studies and kills me emotionally..Im sure its the same for my best friend as well and I feel bad..
Please help me somebody..I cannot afford to lose my best friend as my best friend is very very dear to me..What should I do?


~complicated life~